Instincte materne!!!

Nu stiu altii cum au fost, dar eu sigur nu sunt Ion Creanga si totusi am niste amintiri din copilarie despre a mea mama, care ma fac azi sa ma intreb de ce oare nu sunt toate mamele la fel? Da, stupida  intrebare, pentru ca vei veni si imi vei spune ca fiecare persoana este unica si nu pot fi toti la fel. Da , da stiu, chestii si dureri de cap filosofice si  cate si mai cate altele asemenea. Insa mie una viata de zi cu zi imi dovedeste ca maternitatea ar trebui sa vina numai si numai cu certificat de aptitudine in domeniu. Si nu ma refer la timpul sarcinii, ci la comportamentul. mamelor dupa varsta de 1 an al copilului.

Pai numai deunazi am fost fara vointa mea martora la un comportamnet matern “ireprosabil”. Cum imi plimbam cainele, am ajuns cu el in fata blocului unde stau si cum bancile de aici sunt unse cu miere, toate mustele vin sa bazaie. Asadar, banca ocupata de o vecina cu ale sale fiice maritate si avand copii mici, care alta treaba nu aveau decat sa stea sa barfeasca sub pretextul supravegherii odoarelor. Si deodata una dintre odoare se duce plangand la a sa mama( cred si eu, avand in vedere ca era ora 21 si ceva mai multe minute seara, iar copilul nu are mai mult de un an si jumatate …..), iar aceasta foarte stresata de faptul ca a fost deranjata de la cea mai recenta barfa suculenta, incepe sa urle la copil ca sa taca si ( foloseste apoi o expresie care m-a lasat masca la propriu) ii spune copilei: “RUPE-TI PLANSUL DE PE FATA!!!!!”. Reactia mea:”Haaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! Mda, hai Snookie in casa!”.

Deci m-am lamurit complet. In definitiv ca sa fii mama, chiar iti trebuie certificat. Sau sindromul de mama frustrata are loc doar in blocul meu.

Pai ce sa va doresc?! Sa nu va RUPE-TI  niciodata rasul de pe fata si o zi cat mai senina!!!

Incheiat  si terminat! Oprica a iesit!!!

Octombrie…luna ce s-a sfarsit foarte trist!

Desi am trait jumatate din luna octombrie doar cu durerea propriei mele prostii si anume aceea de a fi brutala cu lucrurile, care spre nefericirea lor sunt in posesia mea, in mod special scumpul meu laptop, care cred ca numai el stie cat a suferit din cauza mea, in final am reusit iar sa il stric la doar un an de la prima reparatie…..Yeyiii! Very goooood for me!…the careless one:))….am sfarsit luna intr-un mod foarte dureros sufleteste: am experimentat moartea bunicii mele, alaturi de care am trait 23 de ani. Desi era un eveniment inevitabil pentru mine si mai apoi toata lumea se astepta la acest lucru, fiind batrana si in suferinta de mai multi ani, asta nu inseamna ca nu a durut sau nu doare mai putin. Socul disparitiei ei inca persista in viata mea cea de toate zilele….pentru ca in ciuda tuturor inconvenientelor pe care le intalnesti traind cu o persoana bolnava, faptul ca ii porti de grija si esti atent la toate nevoile ei, devin la un moment dat un fel de combustibil pentru motorul zilelor tale. Astfel am ramas fara acest combustibil si acum ma chinui sa ma conving de realitatea mortii ei.
Este un fenomen total ireal si in acelasi timp cat se poate de adevarat. Chiar si toate tampeniile de ritualuri bisericesti fara de care nu poti muri in tara asta par a transforma acest fenomen, care mie una mi se pare in totalitate personal si intim. Dupa ce am trait efectiv si am fost martora la modul in care o persoana se comporta la o inmormantare, m-am decis si sunt ferm convinsa ca nu voi respecta niciun fel de datina crestineasca doar ca sa pot fi inmormantata. NU in definitiv si cu siguranta, imi voi dona organele si apoi voi fi incinerata….fara alte tampenii cum ar fi parastase si mai stiu eu ce nebunii….nu nu si nu! Parca momentul care ar trebui sa fie rezervat persoanei moarte prea se transforma intr-o lupta apriga de cine ia cat mai mult si cine ramane cu grosul.
Dar pentru mine tot ce a contat a fost faptul ca in ciuda dorintei de a-mi plange bunica cu valurile de lacrimi pe care le tineam in frau in final nu am reusit…..prea mult lumea iti cere sa nu mai plangi si sa nu mai suferi…pai altfel cum sa vindeci golul care ramane dupa plecarea ei? De fapt am fost singura care a trait alaturi de bunica mea zi de zi si an de an, din momentul nasterii mele pana pe 16 octombrie anul curent, asa ca nu m-am astptat sa inteleaga cineva dorinta de a o plange.
Ma rog sa fi ajuns intr-un loc mult mai bun si mult mai fericit decat pamantul pe care a trait….Dumnezeu sa o odihneasca!….Te voi muri mereu bunis:*

Discutie la masa….Have fun while you eat!

La rarele mese pe care le iau impreuna cu fratele meu am parte de momente atat de amuzante ca e de mirare ca nu m-am innecat pana acum:)). Chiar azi am avut parte de unul asemanator. De fapt acum ceva zile chiar el mi-a zis razand „Ar fi mai bine sa nu mai mananci cu mine….o sa mori innecata”:)). Cum zilele astea muncesc in constructii private, azi am avut liber fiind sarbatoare si dupa ce s-a facut mancarea am zis „Hai sa mancam!”…. In timpul mesei nu este o liniste profunda, de parca ai manca in biserica, nu nici vorba de asa ceva…vorbim si discutam tot felul de tampenii…trece timpul mai usor si cu o atmosfera vesela parca si mancarea intra mai bine. Si cum mancam noi asa, aveam impresia ca mananc de ore intregi, si parca mancarea nu se mai termina, asa fac atunci cand nu imi este prea foame si ii zic „Ahhhh! Parca mananc de ani de zile!”, la care fratele meu imi zice ” Pai si ce nu mananci de 23 de ani!?”. Ma bufneste rasul si trebuie sa ma opresc din mancat sa pot rade cu gura pana la urechi. „Bine, continua el, ca la inceput ai supt!”, iar eu amuzata completez ” Iar mai tarziu am trecut si pe solide!”….si continuam sa radem si sa mancam. Dupa cve terminam cu rasul imi zice „Ai un ras ciudat!” si zic „De ce?” „Pai razi de parca ti-ar aplauda amigdalele”:))…si printre hohote de ras ii zic ” De vina este Family Guy, am, inceput sa rad ca Peter Griffin….cred ca afecteaza mai mult decat vrei!”….Si uite asa trece masa. Cel mai mult imi plac mesele de genul asta…pentru ca poti sa simti ca faci parte dintr-o familie si chiar daca vorbesti ca sa nu adormi te asculta cineva totusi….in fapt cred ca aproape toate mesele pe care le-am avut inca din copilarie au fost pline de discutii si zambete….sunt sigura ca nu as schimba cu nimic familia pe care o am….oricat de fermecatoare ar parea alta….
Have lots of fun while you eat…the food tastes better.

Creatie proprie….vise si imaginatie de “fana” infocata

 

Tot ceea ce urmeaza nu este decat pura mea imaginatie, nu are nicio legatura cu realitatea si ceea ce este povestit in acest fragment nu s-a intamplat nicodata. Iar personajele desi unele sunt adevarat nu au nicio legatura unele cu altele…..deci nu va lasati inselati de ceea ce este relatat….sunt doar dorinte de “fana” indragostita(daca as fi vedeta pe care o admir, as fi ingrozit de imaginatia mea si m-as da in judecata pentru tupeul pe care l-am avut)….sper doar sa va distrati macar pe jumatate cat m-am distrat eu cand am scris bucata asta…..atat imi pare rau ca nu am talent la desen….lo transformam in mangaOpen-mouthed smile. Deci lectura placuta (apropo este in engleza, si daca veti intampina vreo greseala nu va sfiiti sa ma avertizati….desi m-a mandresc cu engleza mea sunt constienta ca nu este bunaOpen-mouthed smile).

 

<<-Hi, how are you?

-Fine, thank you! You?

-Same here(we laughed lightly watching one to another with a sensation of closed friendship, although it was for the first time that we were meeting. And it could have been the last too). I was giving an interview for the firs time since I was officially presented as the wife of my beloved husband. We are together for more than seven or eight years, but it was recently that the press and the media found out about our marriage. And this was the first interview I have accepted to give since the news got out. And that was an year ago. My husband have refused constantly each proposition we have received, until I said to him:

“-Dear, we have to talk to them! Otherwise they will chase us constantly and will only write stories that aren’t true. So I will to them.” And those been said the day arrived!

The reporter that was interviewing me was a lovely woman. Quit familiar I could say. I was feeling very relaxed near her and not a bit tensed as I thought before the meeting. After all her things were in their right places and Julie, that was her name, got her tape-recorder and a little notebook it started.

-OK. So first of all, I must say “Hello!” again, she said smiling brightly at me.

-Hello! Or I better say “Konichiwa!”, we both laughed at my silly joke.

-Now, tell me, Mrs. C., is this okay? We will leave your name like this. How did you first met your husband?

-Oh, no please, nothing of misses or anything like it. Just call me Alex. It’s simpler and I don’t quit feel like a married woman, although I am for more than five years by now.

-Oh, okay, so let’s start again. Alex, tell me, how you met your husband or for the better, when you met your husband you knew that you would marry him?

-When I heard about him and saw him for the first time it was back in my native country, Romania. And until the age of 21 I didn’t have any idea of his existence. Although I had a strange feeling sometimes that I was missing something or someone. I as trying with big financial efforts to finish my career when I discovered his person and his existence. It was through the internet. Not like meeting on a chat site or something like that. No. When I first saw him, he was in a world far above my own and he didn’t even had a clue of my existence. I was and am, even now, a simple woman among millions of women that are crazy about my husband. In that period of my life I had no vision about my future, nor any plans on what to do with my life. But I had a passion for the culture, lifestyle and cinema of Japan and South Korea. So one night I was watching “Final Fantasy: Advent Children”, the movie, for the third time or the fourth time and I watched that night every minute of the movie. Even the ending, where are presented all the people that made the movie. And as I was so fascinated and mesmerized by the story and the plot at the end of the movie suddenly the background song caught my attention. It was something like a hit. Not like “ Oh, I like this melody!”, or something similar, but more like “ Oh, my dear god! I love this voice!”. I listened like an obsessed person and read every name just to find out who the singer was. The next day I searched for the song. I wasn’t a person that is interested in the people that sings or the artists, but this time I was wondering what kind of face hides that voice. And I saw him. Heavenly beautiful, with blue sky like eyes, black hair and some traits that a woman would kill for. He was more beautiful than the most beautiful woman that was in the world, by that time. I saw and collected thousands of pictures with him. In and from every period of his life as celebrity and even before he became the star that he was. At first I was fascinated and thought this is just another short and vivid crush I have. Because some time before I discover my husband I was having a big crush on a Korean actor, but it was over fast. After I watched every series that he had made I calmed down. But with my husband was different. I was feeling something really strange. At first I said: “I’m crazy!”, you can’t feel some connection with someone, when you never met face to face and not even exchanged a word ever. But I was feeling some strange. I  was thinking that I had met somewhere and sometime that person. That it had some kind of importance for me. And I’m christian by religion, our priests and beliefs don’t promote or talk about reincarnation and don’t even believe in this concept, but I had a flashback. I found him very familiar. And I had no reason to feel that way, whatsoever.

-Do you feel that way even now?

-Yes, even now I have some moments when he says something to me or makes a movement I feel that I heard that before and saw it before. And I’m not referring to the fact that we now live together, it’s like a far distant memory. And so months have passed, while I was thinking that every moment now I will find someone else to have a crush on, but no. I started to love him although I had nothing else, just some photos on my mobile phone and his songs on my mp3 player. And I had no news about him as I was disconnected from the virtual world of the internet. I constantly found him as beautiful as the first time I saw him. I don’t feel special on my birthday, but some days later when it was his birthday, I felt a joy and had a feeling of being special that I never felt on my own. Maybe I was just crazy. Or truly obsessed. But I hadn’t an urge to meet him or to send him letters of love and anything like it. I was just having these sentiments and colorful feelings inside me that were helping me to accept all the changes that were having place in my life at that moment. I was feeling love and I was loving him from faraway and I was truly satisfied with that.

-OK. So how come you are now here being his wife, if you were content with just loving him from afar?

-To get here was the effect of a stupid and silly error of mine. I once wrote him on a paper some kind of a letter telling him how I got to discover him and his incredible art and that I can’t call myself a real fan as I wasn’t doing all the things that a real fan does. I couldn’t….I didn’t have money to start with and then I was sure that I would loose my interest. I’m a very changing person. I get bored really quick and I’m always searching for something new, on the other hand I have a few things that I wouldn’t give up to for nothing in the world, although I was forced to do so many times in my life. And so one day I put some of my thoughts and feelings on a paper and then wrote them in an e-mail and send them on an  mail address, I found on internet to him. I never thought and hoped to get an answer. At least not from him personally. He said that that was the first love letter he have ever received from a person that doesn’t consider herself a really big fan of him, as many have proclaimed themselves until then. And he said that he wanted to talk more with me. When I received his answer I thought that I was the victim of a bad joke, but I wasn’t. I replied him with another letter full of incoherent thoughts and things that sounded stupid for every normal person, but I was overwhelmed. And he answered me back. And so we started to talk weekly, through e-mails.

-Isn’t that unusual? I mean all the celebrities I’ve met and talked to have a personal assistant that receives their e-mails and all that stuff? Doesn’t your husband had one?

-He did. He had one of those assistants. And it was him that read the first e-mail I send. But, and this is what himself told me, that day my husband was in the same room where his assistant was reading the mail he got or anyway if not reading entirely at least checking. And when he opened my e-mail he found it a bit strange to receive an e-mail from my country. My husband until that moment only received from countries such as Spain, France, United Kingdom, or Germany, USA and Japan of course, but not my country. I mean in the part of the Europe where my country is, only from Russia was he receiving some e-mails, but only rarely and to discover one from Romania , which is my birth country, was a first. So Ken, that was the name of the assistant, well his name was Kenjirou, but all the crew and the stage staff and the band called him Ken, said to my husband

“-Hey, G., come and see this! You got an e-mail from someone from Romania! Isn’t it annoying! I mean Romania!

-Yeah!? Is it from Alina? I once made a movie with some actors from that country and we exchanged addresses! I never wrote them! I even forgot about it. But perhaps one of them remembered and wanted to say hi! So who is it from? Let me read it, Ken-chan!”

So this way my first e-mail, sent to an unsure address, got the attention of my husband.

-You truly had a very good luck! Many of the e-mails that are sent in a sure way and with great hopes to get an answer back are erased before opened, said to me Julie with a serious expression on her face.

I felt a lot of guilt because of my stupid luck. I never wanted to steal the hopes and the dreams of another person. And I know that many of my husband’s fans hate me to death, but I gained my position with a lot of efforts and sacrifices and I fought for each minute I spent next to my husband. Only getting my e-mail read by him was luck. The rest was only tears and suffering. And of course mountains and tons of stupid and foolish guilt for having and desiring a man like him and for not being as half as beautiful as him. I am a common person and I don’t have the beauty that my husband posses, but I do love the person inside the body. I never accepted him for what he represented, for the name or the star that he was. I said “Yes!” because the person that asked me said “I need you! I need every little piece of you!” and for his soul, for nothing else……>>

 

Si cam atat pentru inceput…..ma voi gandi daca stilul la persoana intai merge mai bine decat la a treia persoana……multumesc pentru effort…..and remember people all the above is purely the fruit of my imagination…..nothing related there ever happened….ad the characters are just characters…..the real people do not know esch other and never met or have taken part I one of the actions in the story above…..thanks for understanding!!!!!!

Nighty night, you all!!!!!

Ca si stapana de un Snookie!!!!!!!

Okay, helllllooooo again dupa vreo trei ani de stat pe bara..Smile)….bine nici chiar asa dar totusi….

Saptamana asta am descoperit ca am revenit la starea mea de plictiseala continua, adica mi s-au terminat subiectele interesante, sau mai degraba mi-a trecut mie interesul in privinta lor(mare rusine mie pentru firea tradatoare pe care o am, daca as fi obiectul interesului meu m-as ura pentru felul in care imi pierd interesul). Si cum dimineata mi-am format un obicei de a urmari televizorul cat timp imi beau cafeaua, si cum majoritatea serialelor sunt ori telenovele mexicane ori telenovele indiene ori din cele turcesti(nu ca asa avea ceva contra lor urmaresc cate una sau doua, niciodata in totalitate, dar cat sa imi dau seama despre ce este vorba), am ales de data asta un program educational: Animal Planet. De obicei nu il urmaresc decat daca au ceva documentare despre dinozauri sau despre leii, dar de data asta au reusit sa imi gaseasca punctul slab: cateiii……si cum sunt stapana unuia, emisiunile cu catei la fel de dulci ca al meu, ma prind nu gluma. Asa am ajuns sa urmaresc emisiunea “America’s Cutest Dog”, care cred ca era la a doua sau a treia reluare, mai vazusem eu secvente din ea, dar cum sunt o inamica declarata a publicitatii, cum apar aceste momente in cadrul filmelor, serialelor sau emisiunilor schimb canalul, pana gasesc ceva care sa imi capteze atentia. Dar de data asta am fost brava si am ramas sa urmaresc emisiunea, in ciuda reclamelor, ca sa descopar niste catelusi asa de dulci ca si mierea pare sarata pe langa eiSmile))

Am cautat si video-urile ca sa va demonstrez cat de dulci pot fi catelusiiiiii, si poate asa, cei care nu ii iubiti prea mult veti fi convinsi ca merita sa detii unul, desi iti termina de viata covoarele in casa pana se obisnuieste sa faca afara, sau paturile atunci cand intra in calduri, si te innebuneste de cap cand are prea mula energie acumulata si trage de tine la propriu sa te joci cu el, desi tu nu faci decat sa speri ca va imbatrani mai repede si se va cuminti, si asa trec anii si descoperi ca al tau caine este unul mai special, ca desi are 6 ani tot ca unul de 1 an se comporta. Si atunci tre intrebi: Frate, maica-ta aia cu cine a umblat de ai iesit tu in halul asta? Sau poate descoperi ca este asa datorita felului cum l-ai crescut tu?Smile)…..Deci chiar va sfatuiesc sa va luati un caine, chiar merita toata bataia de cap, dragostea pe care o trezesc mieziiii astia intr-o persoana este imensaOpen-mouthed smile

Asadar va voi lasa sa savurati acesti micutiOpen-mouthed smile

 

Si cam atat pentru cred ca saptamana asta…….Ah, Doamne! Trebuie sa fac ceva cu instabilitatea asta a mea in toate lucrurile pe care le facOpen-mouthed smile….ma plicitisesc mult prea repede de lucruri si asta nu e bine deloc pentru mine, pentru ca trebuie sa imi gasesc mereu cate o alta distractieOpen-mouthed smile….Ciao, ciao, ciao!